A comeback

Yes! I am so back from my hiatus. And I'm itching to write an update.

Anyway, I think the best way for me to express myself to allow myself to be frank. Before, I followed the norm and wrote or spoke an opinion that people wouldn't be displeased about, but now I'm more open to be - well, open - so that I could be true to myself.

1. A homage to Zara

Last Valentines day, my friends and I received news that our block mate, Zara, passed away. It has been known to me the following week that she committed suicide.

When talking about her and her death, everything to me seems to shift into a dreamlike mode: strange, unreal. See, it's my first time losing someone so young, and that someone happens to be a sweet and playful girl. I can't believe that she has planned all of this all along - it's not her. She's always happy.

But I have to admit, when Zara was still here, I never really liked her. I think she would have said the same thing about me. We just didn't click. But that doesn't matter anymore; whatever bitchy thing I do now wouldn't affect her anymore.

And is it right if I say that I talk to her even now? I talk to her when I think about her, and when I do, I'd tell her an honest truth that what she did wasn't right. That I'm furious that she took away her life, and that she has already gotten the attention she wanted. Didn't she even think of her family and her friends when she decided to end it all? It's foolish. But it's already happened.

Zara, I don't know where you really are, because religion dictates that you're suffering in the flames now. Wherever you are, that's where you deserve to be. Rest well.

II. Bb. Pilipinas

T______T

Why did she win?!

Well, yeah, she's beautiful, BUT - what the effing hell is with that effing english?!

Why did she win?!

Here's how her Q&A portion went:

Paolo Bediones: Janina, how are you?
Janina San Miguel: I'm fine.
Paolo Bediones: Alright, so you won two of the major awards - Best in Long Gown, Best in Swimsuit, do you feel any pressure right now?
Janina San Miguel: No, I don't feel any pressure right now.
Paolo Bediones: Confident! Alright! Please choose a name of the judge.
Paolo Bediones: We have Miss Vivienne Tan.
Vivienne Tan: Good Evening.
Janina San Miguel: Good Evening.
Vivienne Tan: The question is, what role did your family play to you as candidate to Binibining Pilinas?
Janina San Miguel: Well, my family's role for me is so important b'coz there was the wa- they're, they was the one who's... very... Hahahaha... Oh I'm so sorry, Ahhmm... My pamily... My family... Oh my god... I'm... Ok, I'm so sorry... I... I told you that I'm so confident... Eto, Ahhmm, Wait... Hahahaha, Ahmmm, Sorry guys because this was really my first pageant ever b'coz I'm only 17 years old and ahahaha I, I did not expect that I came from, I came from one of the top 10. Hmmm, so... but I said that my family is the most important persons in my life. Thank you.

Um, Janina? You didn't even answer the question?! Geez. Here's the video of the Q&A portion:



What's with the judges? Did her sense of humor charm them into giving her the Bb. Pilipinas-World title?!

But I have a theory. Maybe those foreigners who are also judges made Janina's score so high so that she could compete in the Miss World pageant. That being said, these foreign judges won't have to worry about the Philippines winning against their countries in the international pageant.

This is so embarrassing. I'm sure the country wouldn't bag the Miss World title this year.

I hoped that Elizabeth Nacuspag would win; she's intelligent and she carries herself so well, but she only came as 2nd runner up. Shame.

I love you Elizabeth! You should've won! You have a unique beauty and big brains that would definitely make our country proud. You should have worn a crown last Saturday.

---

Speaking of Bb. Pilipinas, I want to join the competition. I want to so badly.

I'm only 17, and I'm 5'2-5'3 in height, so my friends laugh their heads off whenever I tell them that I'm going to join Bb. Pilipinas. One of them, Jil, texted me, "Oh no! Give up. Ang tangkad nila eh. Hindi ka uubra. (they're so tall; you won't stand a chance) Hahaha"

That's why I'm going to take Cherifer multivitamins from now on, thank you!

I have the beauty and the brains (please bear with me XD), the only problem I have now is my height and my excess fats!

I'll reach 5'7 before you know it!

But seriously, I want to represent the Philippines in Ms. Universe. I think I have the chance to win that competition XD Really! I'm not kidding around. So I'm going to grow tall.

III. Math finals

I got a 5 (equivalent to 100) in Algebra last semester. But not listening to Statistics this sem pulled my grade down. My computed average is only a 2, so I have to get a 5 or 4.5 in order to get a 3.5 final grade.

I was desperate to get a high grade in my finals in Stat yesterday, so I, er... cheated?

^_^

I had a codigo.

Now I'm sure I'll get a perfect score. Although I apologized to God after. I knew that I would gain nothing by cheating, and that I'd only be fooling myself, but it was a desperate situation (and I know that that reason still isn't acceptable). Man. If I could transfer to UP or ADMU, I swear that I will try my best not to cheat anymore.

IV. Updates

What's been happening with me lately? Well, I'm just going to put them in bullet form.

• I had my period! - I'm not sure if this is weird, but I'm grateful whenever I have my period. See, my cycle is irregular, and it takes two to three months before I get another period. There was a time when I became afraid and I prayed, "God, I've realized that I want to have children when I grow up. I want kids who look like me and whom I can call my own. So please, God, let me have my period. I don't want to be barren." And God grants it when I worry again. And whenever He does, I become happy despite the pain in my buttocks. (Another weird thing, I guess. The pain goes to my butt.)
  
• We're going to Naga, Bicol this Sunday! So if you guys are going there just tell me ^_^ It's a good thing that we aren't going anywhere near a beach, as my body isn't prepared to wear a bikini. Have to exercise!
• Still focused on school - but focused isn't the way to put it. Maybe it's just the biggest priority in my life and I'm forcing myself to do my best.
• I watch American Idol. And I cried hard when Danny Noriega was voted off. :'( Why Danny, of all people? He's got the most colorful personality ever!

Danny, come back! I love you no matter what your sexual preference is!

That's all there is to me right now -_- Boring.